People want to say yes. Ask them.
I’m rereading Zoe Chance’s book Influence Is Your Superpower: The Science of Winning Hearts, Sparking Change, and Making Good Things Happen. In it, she writes:
“If you’re holding back from asking because you want to be liked, consider that you’re not giving other people the chance to feel good about saying yes to you. And consider that more of them would like to say yes than you think.”
It can feel scary to ask for what you want. There’s a part of me that would rather hide under the couch than put myself at risk of rejection, criticism, or worse, embarrassment.
Reframing my ask as an invitation helps comfort that scared part of me. My question might be the same—”Would you like to grab a coffee sometime?” or “Would you be willing to write a guest essay?”—but the energy behind it is totally different. Instead of feeling nervous and apologetic, I feel open and excited. I’m doing something fun, and I’m inviting this person to join me. Of course they want to say yes!
But if they say no? This reframe changes how that feels, too. They don’t hate me. They’re not judging me. They’re probably glad I invited them—I would be. They’re just too busy, too tired, too sick, or out of town and can’t make it. That’s understandable! If they’re like me, they might suggest a different hang another time. But even if they don’t, it was nice of me to invite them.
People want to connect. They want to feel good. When you ask for what you want, you’re giving them a chance at what they want, too.
What’s one ask you’ve been holding back on that might actually be an exciting invitation?
Comment and let me know.
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