In my journal, I am baby; or, How I move through self-criticism to get to self-comfort

Sweet baby. Oh honey. My poor love.

These are the phrases that routinely come up during my journaling sessions. Not at first—never at first—but almost always by the end. They wait for me there, soft and reassuring. Knowing this is what helps me move through the pain of what typically comes before: the hard judgment of my inner critic.

You’re falling behind. You still have so much to do.

Other people don’t struggle nearly as much as you do.

Why are you wasting time writing about your feelings? You should be working.

Sometimes these words come out plain and direct. Other times they hide behind practical to-do lists and real (but inaccurate) feelings of guilt and shame. It all sounds so much like fact that I often forget to push back. I just write it down as quickly as possible, like a student furiously taking notes in class. I write and write until my inner critic is satisfied.

Then, something changes. A new voice appears on the page.

Where my inner critic’s voice is cold and stern, this new voice is sweet and caring. I can hear the gentle smile in it as it starts to speak:

Sweet baby. I know it feels like you’re falling behind. I know there’s a lot to do. But there’s no rush. One step at a time.

Oh honey. I know it feels like you’re alone in your struggle. I promise you’re not. You’re surrounded by people who love you. Maybe it’s time to reach out to them.

My poor love. I know it feels like a waste of time. But be gentle. There’s nothing more important than showing up for the smallest parts of yourself.

I write all this down, too. I write every word just as diligently as I did for my inner critic. As I do, my shoulders relax. My breathing slows and deepens. I notice how this new voice makes me feel: seen, curious, confident, supported. All the things my inner critic pointed out are still there, but they aren’t as scary. I don’t feel guilty or ashamed; I feel capable.

When it finally goes quiet, I smile and write five more words: “Thank you. I love you.”

Then, I turn to face my day. I’m ready for whatever it might bring.